the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
