dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
