whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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