maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
