I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
