her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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