I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Say something about gay babies.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
