your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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