I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
