Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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