I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
