a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
