so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
