Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
