Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
