so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
