You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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