i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
