Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize