I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
