My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
