There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
