They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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