to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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