thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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