There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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