I accidentally had phone sex last night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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