he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
