Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
