...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
