I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
