Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
