The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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