omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just invented taco cereal.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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