No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
