We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
