im drinking this country out of the recession.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
