I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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