Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize