I should be sponsored by Trojan
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
