i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
cat food counts as protein by the way
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize