The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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