You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
