I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
