her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
