dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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