you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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