You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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