Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
