I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize