i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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