we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
