im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
