Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize