In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
