I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
