Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
