my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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