I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
