Pants 0. Shit 1.
I puked a lego.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
