you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
