Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
