She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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