glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
