sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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