I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
