no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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