Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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