i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
