Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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