I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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