You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
