I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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