doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
