I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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