Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
