Banned from zoo.
Again?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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