i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
